


Protective

by LyricalTwilight



Series: Twilight Missing Moments [5]
Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Angst, Book: Eclipse, Canon Compliant, Cullen Family - Freeform, Drama, Family, Family Issues, Father-Son Relationship, Gap Filler, Gen, Human/Vampire Relationship, Love Triangles, One Shot, Realization, Twilight Gap, Twilight Renaissance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26362054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricalTwilight/pseuds/LyricalTwilight
Summary: Carlisle has a father/son talk with Edward about his behavior in Eclipse.
Relationships: Carlisle Cullen/Edward Cullen, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Series: Twilight Missing Moments [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862119
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40
Collections: edward anthony masen cullen, my favorite twilight works





	Protective

**Author's Note:**

> I'll say now that I think Edward had a lot of valid emotions he was trying to navigate through in Eclipse, and, as a seventeen-year-old in many ways (plus a vampire) he didn't know how to project them outwardly in a healthy way. And I think Carlisle would have recognized his behavior and tried to help his son through it. 
> 
> This conversation takes place during the guys' hunting trip, which helped lead Edward to his and Bella's compromise. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

**.:Protective:.**

It had been a long hunting trip. Too long. And it was only the first night out here. One would think I only had enough capacity to worry about Bella up to a certain point before I needed rest from mental exhaustion; but being a vampire had its disadvantages, which in itself was a massive understatement, really. I couldn't _not_ think about her: what she was doing, if she was all right, if something had happened to her... And then what if something had occurred? How could I allow myself to be down here in Northern California, miles away from her, if she was in trouble? Even if I had bribed Alice to keep her out of danger's reach, what basis did I have to go on to believe my psychic sister would be enough while I was away?

Such impenetrable pessimism. And it was neverending.

Which led me to where I was now, talking with my father while sitting side-by-side on the body of a collapsed redwood, my brothers anywhere but where I was. I doubted they'd be coming within twenty miles of me for the rest of the trip.

"He has been there for Bella - and she, for him - through some difficult times, Edward," Carlisle was saying. He tried to skim quickly over the memory of our departure from Forks last September. It was a memory that pained all of us. "I know the risks werewolves pose for humans, especially regarding ones who have not been practicing that way of life for very long, but it would be prudent to keep in mind that Jacob Black has been a wolf through most of their friendship. Bella has already gone behind your back once to see him; it may only get worse if you continue to forbid her from visiting La Push." I heard him mentally stutter, _w_ _hich is not yours to forbid_. Carlisle hadn't decided if he wanted to tell me that so bluntly, but it was pointless now.

"I am not forbidding her from seeing him," I said, glaring angrily at the overgrown roots sprouting out from the ground around our feet.

_Then what are you doing, Edward?_

"I am... It..." I struggled to find the right words, to confess the uncertainties I had. Although I knew Carlisle was right - as he usually was - there was so much to it, so much that bothered me on levels I never thought could possibly exist. The acceptance of allowing Bella to run around carelessly with a group of volatile werewolves who were no more than a couple of months into their transformations did not come easy for me. Quite frankly, it scared me to death.

Carlisle waited quietly, patient by my side until I could articulate my position.

"It would just be easier... Easier if I could know she was safe with him, all the time. When I am away from her, Carlisle, it...frightens me. I get so anxious that something terrible will happen to her and I won't be there to stop it, or to comfort her. I never fully understood how delicate humans were until I fell in love with one. _So many things to worry about!_ I have waited over a century to find her, and... I do not want to lose her. I can't. Not again." My voice was barely above a whisper when I finished.

The creases of stress on the planes of my face were visible to me through my father's eyes, and I listened as he finalized his thought that Bella's well-being meant absolutely everything to me because I had lost her before, on many accounts. He wondered, absently, how anyone could tolerate the torment of losing their mate more than once, and then fearing - with valid reason - about the next incident that could harm them because, for all intents and purposes, the only past experience seemed to be constant threats. I loved Bella with all I had. An unconditional love that was as immortal as I was. So, how could I risk letting my guard down when the past had been so unkind?

However, Carlisle's mind shifted, pulling up Bella's gentle face. He could also picture the situation through her perspective. An independent, stubborn young woman whose freedom was being governed by someone, in her mind, she had no power against. How utterly untrue _that_ was! If only Bella knew it was exactly all the power she held over _me_ that brought out this new, domineering side of me. One I was hardly proud of, yet felt justified enough as long as it kept Bella alive. But now, of course, I saw what Carlisle meant.

Overbearing was what I was becoming - what I already was. I had promised I would never force Bella into anything again; but recently I have been doing just that, haven't I? Less extreme than the first time, when I left - a memory that tears my unbeating heart to pieces often - but I was doing it enough where I was controlling what I thought was best for her. I was trying to protect her, yes; but perhaps I wasn't doing it right again.

When did I ever do things right?

I sighed, the sound miserable even to my own ears.

Carlisle's thoughts transformed into deep sympathy as he put his hand on my shoulder. I felt bad knowing how my pain hurt him. He didn't need this. He didn't need my troubles on his already full plate. And yet he had wanted to help me, and he asked me to let him. Besides, who else could I talk to? Emmett was beyond annoyed with my mood, and Jasper was barely putting up with me - the latter ignored me most of the time, doing his best not to feel all the contradicting emotions that pervaded me, which in turn made me feel even more guilt-ridden. Their brotherly concern was there, of course. They cared. But they had wanted this hunting trip to relax and I made it difficult for them. So Carlisle offered that they head off together while he stayed with me. They took off immediately after he had suggested it.

Carlisle sighed, then. "I can't imagine how hard this is on you, son." _I try to picture it with Esme - if she was in Bella's place and I in yours..._ "The persistence you show, the selflessness of keeping her human is a strength I would have never matched up to."

I tried not to let my doubt seep into my expression; it upset him when I didn't see myself the way he saw me.

"As far as Jacob Black goes, I would like to say that I would not have kept her from her best friend." He smiled slightly. _It's always nice to believe that you have more potential and ability than someone else if you were facing their problem, simply because you are seeing it objectively. Easier said than done, as they say. I am actually very proud of you, Edward._

Then his thoughts transitioned back to the problem at hand: my reactions regarding Bella and Jacob. A thought occurred to him about their relationship.

_I wonder if part of it is jealousy. Should I bring it up? There would be nothing wrong with it. It's quite a common, natural thing to feel. I know I've felt it myself, how ever irrational. But maybe Edward-_

"It isn't jealousy," I said. Then, reluctant, I added, "Well, I mean, it _is_ there. But it's the very smallest part in... in what I hadn't realized I'd been doing. I can hate Jacob Black due to jealousy, but I could never stop Bella from seeing her friend due to it." It had been the same way with Mike Newton, after all.

"It is your inability to protect her," Carlisle stated.

I nodded, grimacing at the disconcerting words. A person relied on their mate for protection, even when not asking for it. It was an unspoken rule, a desirous one. It was a duty that came stamped in one's mind naturally, formed out of mutual love. For decades I had watched that desire to act perforced through Carlisle with Esme, Emmett with Rose, Jasper with Alice, and there was never a time I had doubted their ability to succeed in it. I wished I could be like that with Bella. I wished I knew how. But when she runs off...

"When she runs off to see him I have no idea if she will return in one piece. Or returns at all. I can't go with her. I can't even be in the same area if something _were_ to happen, and Alice would never catch it because she can't see where the wolves are involved. It's like nothing can be done once she crossed that line into La Push. She's out of my reach there, like she's vanished, like she no longer exists outside of my mind. I feel worse than helpless! When she runs off to a place I am forbidden to go even to save her, I can't help but to..."

"Forbid her from going there, too?" Carlisle finished, questioning sadly.

My eyes shot downcast at how awful that sounded. I was a terrible person. Selfish, and terrible.

_Edward._ Carlisle squeezed my shoulder firmly, leaning slightly so he could see directly into my eyes. He knew me too well - a curse and a blessing. "Son, do not think low of yourself."

Leave it to my father to worry about me falling another step deeper into my own dark mind. He should be focused instead on how to keep Bella from being dragged into it along with me. I wasn't pitying myself. Not really. But the facts were clear - why not acknowledge them? I was letting my fears get the best of me, letting them control me and, ultimately, control Bella. If I wanted to be as good as my father and brothers were with their mates, surely I had to be better than this.

And yet, why did the thought seem so difficult?

"You love her," Carlisle said, as if it was the answer I sought. "As a result, you are protective of her, overly so. That is something every one of us can relate to, I'm afraid. There is no perfecting that. We have all been there, been in those moments where we get carried away. I had to help Emmett and Rosalie settle their feud once - you know how assertive they both are, and poor Emmett just wanted to make her happy." He sighed, and I wondered when I'd missed that. "I will be the one to say, though, that one mate is not more protective than the other. After years of observation, I have reached that conclusion."

Esme, Jasper, Alice, me, himself, and other mated vampires who I have only known through his memories, flashed through his head.

"Some are more forward in their approach," he said, picturing Jasper and me. "But you've seen how secretly Alice has her watchful eyes on him through her visions and such. She is just as her husband is, only less obvious about it. And I wouldn't put it past Bella to have that same protectiveness over you. The only difference is: she is human. She doesn't have the physical strength to protect you the way I assume she wishes to, and that would also put her in a vulnerable position mentally."

I balked. The thought had never occurred to me. And it should have, what with Bella's constant, ridiculous talk about how she wasn't good enough to deserve me when it was clearly the other way around. Realization dawning over my thoughts, a few college courses I had taken over the years played through my mind. Was the main problem currently between Bella and me an imbalance of power? Hadn't I studied human nature enough to recognize when it was happening to me personally? Or, like Carlisle had said earlier, was it harder to spot when you weren't seeing it objectively?

"You are different than her in one aspect," Carlisle continued. "While she is human with human frailties, and needs, and perspectives - you are..."

"A vampire," I finished, seeing where he was leading. "Everything about me, including my emotions - such as the instinct to protect - are more powerful than hers by nature."

_Exactly._ "The scale we measure things by is different. Your acts to ensure her safety might be selfless and out of love, _and_ appreciated; but they may be coming off a bit stronger than she can humanly handle, as well as how you want your actions to actually be perceived." He looked away from me, out into the shadows. "That, and I can't say anybody would particularly enjoy the freedom to see their best friend taken away from them, especially by the one they love."

"You're right. I know that."

"I know you do, Edward." _There is nothing to be ashamed of. Relationships are a learning experience, and you work forward._

"I want what's best for Bella," I said. "I want her happy, and if seeing Jacob does that... But I worry so much that it physically pains me. How do I overcome that?"

Carlisle frowned. _I can't help you with that, I'm afraid._

"Yeah, I guess I knew that, too."

"But what I propose..." Carlisle met my eyes again. "...is that you trust Bella." _Jacob might be a werewolf and consequently a bit dangerous, but Bella is smart. And she knows him well; better than any of us do. And this wouldn't be the first time she's befriended mythical beings._ "I assume she is being more careful than we realize."

I wondered if that would be enough: being careful...

"I will..." I began to say, then trailed off.

What would I do?

How would I cope if I dared let Bella go, which I knew was the right thing to do (and something I couldn't stop anyway)? I would be out of my mind with worry until she returned, if she returned... No - quickly, I cleared my mind of the thought. First, I had to stop thinking so negatively. I had to trust Bella's decision to see Jacob. Faith, I supposed, was what I had to rely on. Faith, and trust. There was no going back, either, because now that I have realized and acknowledged my mistakes, I knew I needed to fix them. I pictured Bella sneaking away to the reservation. The more I resisted, the more she would fight it. What if she got hurt during one of her escape methods? Also, did I want her to think of me as being her captor, or of Alice being that? We were her family, not her enemies. I had to change my actions, and thinking of Bella's reaction - how happy and less stressful she'd be once I broke down the shield I had over her - I could no longer deny this was best for her. And I had to believe it, because she believed it.

Although, perhaps, for my sanity and Bella's safety, precautions could be taken. A compromise could be made, maybe?

"I will try," I decided. "I'll talk to Bella and apologize for my behavior. I'll fix it. Just..."

Carlisle's brow furrowed. He was already wondering what he could do to help despite that he had no idea what I was going to say.

I moaned and laughed at the same time, exasperated, "Why couldn't her best friend be a _human_?"

I heard a smile in Carlisle's voice now. "The situation would be a lot easier for you then, wouldn't it?" _You know how Bella is, though; she rarely relates to someone unless there's an element of supernatural in them._

"But a _werewolf_?" I insisted. "Why not something smaller, less dangerous? Say a mermaid? A leprechaun? Even someone like Superman would have sufficed. And actually, Superman might not be such a bad thing, with Bella, even if I would have to fight for her affections just as much."

My father chuckled once, but I was surprised to hear a strange edge to it, a humorless one. He attempted not to dwell on whatever crossed his mind, though, keeping me in the dark.

"Well, we've never encountered such creatures or any sort of comic book hero. How do you know they wouldn't be dangerous to Bella?" Even as he spoke lightly, there was still a layer of hardness tinged in his thoughts that I tried to decipher. It was so sudden — what had I said?

"Keep to the point, please," I responded, rolling my eyes slightly, while the corners of my mouth curved up, all for his benefit. Although, it was amazing how much better I felt, now that I had a clearer head on my shoulders. I didn't realize how much I needed this talk with Carlisle. It had been a long time since we've spent this much time together, only the two of us. I had missed this.

_Well, shall we hunt?_

I nodded, but neither of us moved right away.

"Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

His thoughts were instantly filled with love and support, and to my extreme embarrassment, he kissed the top of my head as he stood up. I was grateful he didn't make a bigger production than that.

"You will get through this, Edward," he said, his back to me, walking away. _You will be happy._

The finishing thought grabbed my attention away from anything else, for although he meant it to be a reassurance, there was a warning woven into it; a threat, even. As though, if the promise failed to become fact, someone would pay.

My first response was that it was ridiculous, that I was mistaken. But as I watched my father head into the forest, I knew his thoughts were no mistake. I also knew it was not something he would literally act upon - only feel; and I suddenly caught on to what had caused it, what had upset him in my words just moments ago, and what he had actually been feeling for a while.

I was stunned.

There was a part of Carlisle that was disappointed.

With Bella.

A sick twisting wound through my stomach at the thought of Carlisle being upset with her in any amount, yet I knew I could not deny him the right to be. Even if it was my fault — as he must see that it was — and as much as he adored Bella as a daughter, I knew Carlisle was just desperate for me to be happy. Truly happy. Like everybody, he simply felt protective.

Maybe I wasn't so terrible, after all. Maybe I was just...human.

_Maybe._


End file.
